in assenza di te (in your absence)
by hioebis
Summary: a fanfic-fanfic to monou kotori's mon coeur avez. reading that first is recommented, however not really necessary. au-timeline: brad and schu were engaged, but brad died on a mission, how would schu *live* after this? rated pg13 for death. and pleasepleas


In assenza di te  
  
Disclaimers: Uh... well... this is a fanfiction of a weißkreuz fanfiction named mon c?ur avez. And it is a songfic of Laura Pausini's 'In assenza di te'. The original story doesn't belong to me, the weißkreuz characters don't and the lyrics don't. But the slightly changed translation as well as this short story do.  
  
Warnings: None really, only that you should have read mon c?ur avez before you start with this one (and that probably means that no one, like always, is going to read this -_-;;. But I'm used to it. ^^°°°)  
  
These are the translated lyrics, this is the story, /.../ indicates memories, '...' indicates spoken words and *...* are thoughts.  
  
Please enjoy.  
  
(***)  
  
I'm like a naked tree without you  
  
The lean figure shivered uncontrollably in the cold breeze with its simple, torn clothes dirtied and hanging about him, not at all a protection against rain and snow that nagged, whipped at him, who didn't even have an umbrella.  
  
Passing by on the road where thousands of men and women were.  
  
Passing unnoticed.  
  
Without leaves or roots and never to regain them again  
  
It was not as if he couldn't buy himself the best and most expensive things, live in a comfortable, warm home, in fact he could even remember being really rich. But he didn't want to think about it now, wondering vaguely if he was the only one on that street to whom home didn't mean love or even comfort.  
  
/Candles, a Christmas tree, a smile he could never forget even if he tried to.  
  
Hard.  
  
'This is our home, Schu...'/  
  
Deserted, left alone with the healing I can't accomplish  
  
He thought it was pathetic, but he was being torn apart,  
  
Bleeding,  
  
Inside...  
  
A rose on the pavement - he liked to give him roses; a Christmas, snow; and the crowd on the street. Why did everything have to be so painfully familiar? And yet something was missing, something was changed. A detail only, so small, significant:  
  
He.  
  
He was gone.  
  
There isn't anything that doesn't remind me of us  
  
Something blinked up at him as a car drove by with screaming hoops at top speed and covered him with the mud from the street.  
  
Dirty.  
  
He didn't seem to notice, only lifted his right hand.  
  
Silver beamed back at him, almost gaily, like on the first day and he knew he wouldn't be able to hold back the tears.  
  
In this house deserted forever  
  
/'Schu, I want to make you a present.'/  
  
In their shared new home, Brad had given him that ring, saying that they would marry. Soon.  
  
'Liar.'  
  
He could never forget that night when everything seemed so warm and so unreal, so happy, when nothing had ever really been in his life. He had been so blind to believe...  
  
He should have known better.  
  
He really should.  
  
While the snow keeps falling and falling  
  
His life had ended the day he thought it had finally begun.  
  
Christmas is coming on, but you aren't. No more.  
  
With him.  
  
Warm and cold mingled on his face and flowed down like a soft, desperate caress. Of him. A last sigh in his ears.  
  
He could imagine that it was blood.  
  
He didn't even have time to say a last farewell that day...  
  
His blood on his face.  
  
*Brad.  
  
How could you leave me?*  
  
And I miss you  
  
He never admitted it to himself but deep inside, he knew.  
  
He hurt.  
  
He bled.  
  
He died.  
  
Oh God I miss you so much...  
  
He was so thin, so thin that, when the wind blew stronger it nearly took him away with it.  
  
There had once been a time when it hadn't been like this.  
  
Instead it had only his long hair blowing about in the air.  
  
Grey. Hair.  
  
Grey where once a live-spending, energetic orange had been. An orange that was like sun and fire and life.  
  
He didn't care about life.  
  
Not anymore.  
  
His eyes didn't move when another vehicle passed him by only inches away.  
  
They were half blind. Blind and glazed from tears where once the deepest shade of emerald had been, only seeing through everything, to a point far, far away.  
  
To him.  
  
A flower that wilted.  
  
And while you aren't here I want you to tell you  
  
Wilted in only one year without him like a tree died without his leaves, a landscape in fall.  
  
In winter.  
  
In thousands of years without him.  
  
I miss you, my love  
  
He would have gotten disgusted of himself if, a few years ago, he could have known how he would become one day, when he started sobbing, unable to really think from the alcohol and the drugs he had - when had he begun to do that? - started taking.  
  
But somewhere along the year he had gotten used to it. All.  
  
The force and the pain of the parting forever  
  
He hadn't cried after everyone who had mattered had left his life, thinking he had cried every tear of his life at the age of 7.  
  
Before Brad had come to him, into his life.  
  
The absence of you  
  
And he hadn't stopped after also him, the very last, had gone.  
  
Gone so deliberately, like he'd never been there, like he'd never cared.  
  
But deep inside of him, he knew he had.  
  
Is an emptiness inside  
  
He knew he should thank Anton nevertheless for bringing the two of them together. So that he could know that he could and had loved him.  
  
And live with the knowledge, that they could have had a future,  
  
a happy one.  
  
If only...  
  
If only...  
  
If only...  
  
He didn't know. Maybe if only he had prevented...  
  
Because the sprit of us both has stayed in every corner and every page of our book  
  
Yes. Wherever he went, whatever he did, there was nothing that wasn't theirs; no one without Brad's face.  
  
When I close my eyes you're here, embracing me that way again  
  
Brad's spirit seemed to haunt him. His smile haunted his wake and his sleep; his voice his silence and his noise; his love haunted his life  
  
And his death.  
  
I see us both tightly intertwined, bound to never part again. In every tear I see your face that won't leave once more  
  
Sometimes drugs, the cold and delirium made him forget.  
  
And I miss you my love.  
  
Forget what had happened.  
  
So much I am fading myself  
  
Forget the dampness on his face.  
  
I need you  
  
Forget that everything was gone. Forget that he was gone.  
  
I need you here so I can tell you  
  
Forget that he was alive.  
  
I miss you my love, the cold and the pain of a goodbye forever. The absence of you is like an emptiness inside.  
  
He started coughing, whether from the cold of from smoking no one knew. - Someone had once told him to not smoke so much, but who?  
  
/ 'Schuldig! Smoking is bad for you!!'/  
  
Brad.  
  
It didn't matter now. Brad was dead.  
  
I miss you love, on gods how can I only miss you so much. I need you to be here with me.  
  
By the time it stopped he had coughed blood in his mouth and on his hand. He looked at it and started laughing.  
  
Why not? Blood was on the ring that had been the only item that always stayed clean, polished and protected of him that year where life had become one with death.  
  
He thought it was nice. He liked the color of crimson on silver,  
  
liked the dazzling contrast.  
  
It reminded him of life and death.  
  
Near, so very near, maybe shoulder by shoulder.  
  
Yet never to even brush against each other, never to see,  
  
To know...  
  
You are missing, my love, so much I wish to be with you because without you I am empty.  
  
'Beautiful, Brad. Look at the ring you gave me.', he whispered hoarsely, tears pouring down his reddened cheeks anew.  
  
He didn't notice.  
  
I scream my need of you  
  
He did see the car coming at him though when he crossed the street, accompanied by loud hoops and the shrill noise of brake.  
  
Because there isn't life left in me  
  
It looked a little like Brad's.  
  
I'm living without  
  
He gave it a smile.  
  
Without you.  
  
(***)  
  
Author's notes: I know, I know, this probably didn't make much sense but hey, I don't care. XD Er... for those who are Italian/ like Italian/ want to know the *real* lyrics of the song I so miserably failed to translate but don't know Laura Pausini, here is it:  
  
IN ASSENZA DI TE  
  
Io come un albero nudo senza te Senza foglie e radici ormai Abbandonata così Per rinascere mi servi qui Non c'è una cosa che non ricordi noi In questa casa perduta ormai Mentre la neve va giù È quasi natale e to non ci sei più  
  
Chorus: E mi manchi amore mio Tu mi manchi come quando cerco Dio E in assenza di te Io ti vorrei per dirti che  
  
Tu mi manchi amore mio Il dolore è forte come un lungo addio E l'assenza di te È un vuoto dentro me  
  
Perchè di noi È rimasta l'anima Ogni piega, ogni pagina Se chiudo gli occhi sei qui Che mi abbracci di nuovo così Legati per non slegarsi mai In ogni lacrima to sarai per non dimenticarti mai  
  
Chorus:  
  
E mi manchi amore mio Così tanto che ogni giorno muoro anch'io Ho bisogno di te Di averti qui per dirti che  
  
Tu mi manchi amore mio Il dolore è freddo come un lungo addio E in assenza di te il vuoto è dentro me  
  
Tu mi manchi amore mio E mi manchi come quando cerco Dio Ho bisogno di te Di averti anchora qui con me  
  
E mi manchi amore mio Così tanto que vorrei sei qui anch'io In assenza di te Il vuoto è dentro me  
  
Grido il bisogno di te Perchè non c'è più vita in me Vivo in assenza in assenza di te. 


End file.
